The Adventures of... Hausmann!!

It is that time again...

My secret day begins when I kiss My One goodbye. She disappears into the winter morning, bound for the real world.  I retreat to my desk, where lies The List. Hand-written, with bullet points and yellow highlights, The List tells me to where I am bound. Today the list demands revisions on a first-draft short story, submissions for a completed story, a book review on a very complex collection of essays, and this blog post. The List is nothing if not optimistic. Suffice it to say that I am rebelling; the last shall be first, the first last.

Today is not so different from any other day. I spend the precious morning time doing the heavy creative lifting. I suppose that my brain is at its weirdest from morning coffee until siesta time. Or, in my case, afternoon cigar time. After that, the creative juices have retired for the day. Fiction projects come first, then book reviews and/or blog posts, and finally, begrudgingly, trying to sell a novel or two: Create -- Contribute -- Capitulate.

Please open the idea bin...

The Idea Bin actually exists, a place I store crazy thoughts; dream bubbles, idiotic notions, they all go in the bin. I scribble them down, all of them, because they come in handy later. The scribbling habit is hard learned; a process of many forgettings. As blurbs and bits bubble into my addled brain. I grab my electronic notepad, frantically keying the tiny letters. The results, read later, are often amusing; sometimes bewildering.

Today, however, is a simple day. Lay out the skeleton of a blog post, then set it aside whilst I visit the Türke Barbers. Once tonsured and tidy, I will attempt a book review of Rebecca Solnit's "A Book of Migrations." I will end up setting that aside because Ms. Solnit's prose is more like poetry, even when couched in an essay on the culture of travel. More time will be required. Then on to the short story revisions, back to the book review, and perhaps submit the new short story to one or two journals. I can fudge The List a bit; marking the item with a dot, rather than a check.

And then... as the clock ticks towards the late afternoon, a transformation takes place. I give up my mild-mannered scribbler persona, becoming instead: Hausmann!!

Homemade Stew on a winter's night...

Hausmann is my secret identity, even though I do not have a cape. Remember what happened to Thunderhead? As Edna says, "No Capes!" Lack of cape notwithstanding, I have duties to perform. Maybe not so much saving of the world, because the world never stays saved, but important duties nonetheless. There are things that must happen before My One returns from saving the world. The apartment has to be presentable, a sense of order established, but more importantly: Dinner has to be ready.

To cook or not to cook: that is a question that holds no validity for me. Of course we cook! We are human; we eat, so we cook. But there is more to it than that. I will let you in on a little secret: Good cooks are sexy. You don't believe me? At this very moment, I can see women nodding their heads, exclaiming,  "Amen, Brother, preach it!" That's right, Boyos: Long after good looks have faded, even when hair is perhaps not as (ahem) full as it once was, a good meal laid on the table will stand you in good stead. In fact, as good cooks know, dinner laid on the table is probably not the only thing that's going to get...  Well, you get the idea. 

"But it's so hard, there's the cutting, and the chopping, and the measuring... whaaaaa!"  Nonsense. Look, it's winter here in Vienna; bone-chilling, grey, and depressing. But a nice, hearty stew is just the thing after a long day of saving the world. The soup companies would have you believe that making homemade soup is difficult. Don't buy into their corporate lies. To prove how simple it is, I'm going to offer up an easy recipe for squash stew. Yes indeed, a blog post AND a bonus recipe: It's your lucky day. So, let's get sexy and start cooking.

Curry Squash Stew:

You will need a butternut squash about as big as your head, five (or so) potatoes, onions and garlic. Split the squash in half lengthwise, scoop out the seeds, then use a sharp knife to skin the thing. Mind your meaty bits. Blood is an interesting flavor best used sparingly. Slice the squash into half-inch rounds, then into half-inch cubes. Wash the taters, then process them likewise. Throw the taters in a pot, cover with water, add a dash of salt, and bring them to a boil. Let them simmer whilst you do the next steps. 

Skin two medium or one big fat onion, then slice and dice. Peel three cloves of garlic, and split them lengthwise. You see that little green stripy thing in the middle? Use the point of your knife to flip it out. That part is bitter and ruins the taste of things. See? You're already learning cool cooking tricks that make you sexier. Mash the garlic halves with the flat of your knife, then mince the little guys. If you have real vege or chicken stock, that's great. If not, use a high quality bullion cube dissolved in water. Have the stock/bullion mix ready in a bowl. A half-lire (or half-quart) will do for a start. Now that we have done the prep work, the rest is easy.

Throw a big pot on the stove, the bigger the better. You want a medium-high heat going underneath the pot. Toss in a tablespoon or so of olive oil, then the chopped onions. Keep stirring the onions in the oil. When the onion bits start to soften and turn clear, throw in the garlic. Keep stirring; you don't want the garlic to get all burnt and funky. Meanwhile, drain the potatoes. After the garlic has cooked for about five minutes, toss in the taters. Now you need to keep things moving about. Browning everything just a bit is what we are after, not scalding or burning. Throw the squash in on top of the taters and make everything dance about the pot.

Right about now, things are going to start sticking to the bottom of the pot. Fear not, it's all part of the process. Pour the stock/bullion over the whole thing, stirring well. When the liquid starts to bubble, reduce the heat to a nice simmer. A slow bubbling is fine. A rolling boil is going to burn the crap out of everything. Not good.

Now we need to spice our stew. Relax, this is easy. Spicing is not really a matter of wrong and right, but more a matter of balance. Let's give this one a go. Squash loves curry, and curry loves squash. The best curry powders come from Sri Lanka or Southern India. Finding a cool little store that sells real curry powders is half the fun. I use a kick-ass Jafna Curry that I brought back from Sri Lanka. The trick to spicing things is sneaking up on them. Starting out with three tablespoons of salt might not be the best plan.

This is my baseline for squash stew:
1-2 Teaspoons of Curry
1 Teaspoon of Salt
8 Grinds of Black Pepper, more or less.
1/2 Teaspoon of Marjoram
1/2 Teaspoon of Sage
1 Teaspoon of Dried Parsley
1/2 Teaspoon of Crushed Red Pepper (Careful!)

Toss it all in, experiment, whatever. You will figure it out. Let that simmer for about an hour. Taste it and try to envision what might be missing. More heat, more salt, more curry zip: sneak up on it in small amounts.

But now I am going to tell you the secret to a great vege stew: Bulgar Wheat. You can get this stuff at the same shop where you bought the curry. Bulgar is a grain like rice or barley, but it stays nutty and chewy in a stew. Throw three-quarters of a cup of Bulgar into a hot pan with oil. Keep it moving in the hot pan, as if you are roasting it, which is exactly what you're doing. This brings out the lovely, nutty flavor. After about ten minutes or so, throw in enough water (or stock) to completely cover the roasted Bulgar. Mind the steam! Reduce the heat and simmer, stirring constantly. The Bulgar will soak up all of the water. Once the water is gone, scoop the cooked Bulgar out of the pan and into the pot. Voilá!

At this point, the stew is basically ready. While the stew simmers, make a salad, or some vege, or whatever side dish your Sweetheart likes. About thirty minute before she or he walks through the door, it is a good idea to blend up the stew. I use one of those hand blender gizmos, but a potato masher will work as well. Mind the hot stew flying around: it burns! Once blended, I usually add a can of red kidney beans to the mix, but that is up to you. Be mindful, my sexy little cooks! Once the stew is blended, the bubbles may shoot out of the pot. They will burn the crap out of you if they find skin. The heat should now be on the lowest setting possible.

Add some nice bread from the bakery and this is a complete meal. Your Baby, or Hunky Man, will be greeted by the wonderful smells of home-cooked stew. Trust me when I say that nothing is quite so welcoming, or rewarding, as the smell of home-cooking after a hard day's work. 

Speaking of Hausmann, it is just about time for me to don my outfit and make with the chopping and the cooking. As always, eat well, be happy, and Ciao for Now!

And, in a quick pause for the cause...

Thanks for reading my blog post. I hope you enjoyed it. If you liked what you read here, how about trying one of my novels? You can even take a book for a test ride with a FREE eBook. That's right, my novella CLOUDS BEFORE RAIN, the first volume in THE BEST DARK RAIN SERIES, is available as a free download. Subscribe to my mailing list and the good folks at Book Funnel will take care of the rest. No matter what country you live in, no matter what eReader you use, they should have you covered.

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Marco Etheridge Fiction